SPARKLEDOGS BLOG

TW: sexual assault

I’m currently writing this on the notes app of my phone because the WiFi pass I paid $8 just decided to not work. Mostly just gonna recap the weekend.

Getting in on Thursday I was so unbelievably exhausted cause I was up almost 30 hours at that point no sleep. Was absolutely worth it, combo contest this year was electric and i got some fire pics with prince. Didn’t do too much after that, mostly just went back to the hotel and passed tf out. Friday was chill as well, just was catching up with old friends which was fun and watching some of the other Oregon friends play their games. I also connected with someone I’d been mutuals with on twitters for ages (shoutout Ren, goat)!!! But the day was mostly uneventful until later in the night when me and my crew decided to go to the bars with some of my friends and I had a BALLLLLLL. It was very cool because holy shit nobody’s been weird to me yet! Nobody’s made any wack ass comments!! I can hang out with the 64 folk and everything can be fine! Eventually Ren and her crew also pulled up to the bar and hung out for awhile which made us actually become friends which was cool. Met a bunch of other cool trans women at the bar (shoutout Val the photographer and Eva!). After that we went back to my hotel with some of the gals, Oregon crew, and fucking Queso lol. He ended up leaving his smashy there and just kinda giving it to Maya???? He’s a strange guy, but one of the coolest homies.

Saturday night is where shit started getting nightmarish. I was riding the high off a fun night in Baltimore with my friends, having zero problems in the world because everybody was cool. 64 top 16 was omega cringe because of the commentators saying wack ass shit on comms but whatever I can ignore that shit, plus top 8 comms were fire. And god what an AMAZING top 16 hollllly hell, maybe even the best I’ve ever watched. After that we went out to Liv’s again and I, yet again, had an absolute fucking ball!!!! Hanging with melee, 64, the gals, etc. I taught Prince, Kurabba, and Kix what “geeking” is LOL. I think throughout the night I bought Prince like 3 shots and he handled them like a hero. I kept asking him “are you geeked?” and he would say “no geek” and then do the motion for a drink. My high from the wonderful time I was having was just being more and more inflated. I was getting compliments left and right, I felt hot as hell, genuinely was on top of the world.

After the bar closed, I decided to join the rest of the smashers at the bar (melee ult and 64) and go to the party hosted by some 64 guys down the street. That was the main mistake I made all trip.

In the past, when I’ve been assaulted, it was never by somebody I considered cool, or a friend. As a child I was assaulted because the people wanted to hurt me, and they wanted to make me suffer, and they were people I hated too, even before the abuse. Even the one time as a proper adult I was assaulted, it was by somebody who at one point in time was a friend but I had grown a distain for, for months at that point and honestly wasn’t even surprised when it happened. But the Saturday after party I was assaulted by somebody I was hanging out with the entire weekend, laughing and gaming and telling jokes, not being weird at all. We weren’t super close by any means, but it was somebody I considered an actual homie and had hung out with many times in the past. But nope, was forcefully groped on my breast. Ofc I said “hey yo don’t do that” in which he loudly and proudly for the next half an hour kept yelling “goyard show me your tits. You have bad tits.” In front of the entire sea of players. Which of course, nobody did a single thing about. An hour earlier he was so normal and chill chopping it up with everybody. It was genuinely just like such an absolute what the fuck moment, that really fucked with my head because this guy had only ever been cool and normal to me and I don’t know how to process it.

Panic ensued and I tried to remove as many women from the house as possible without saying what happened, with like a “yoooo apparently someone’s being creepy we should go” which just felt humiliating. Oh and to top that all off, on the walk home I got called tranny a bunch by some random strangers on the street LOL.

Going from the insanely massive high that I did to the extreme low I was at, was just an overall mind fuck that really threw the rest of my trip off. I grew extreme anxiety and didn’t really feel comfortable being in the venue for melee top 8 anymore. I was also just dead tired because I couldn’t get any sleep either. Bwahhhgg. But, the Oregon crew came in clutch. We got pizza and played games and hung out which was nice, and even went to hangout with some other friends at Livs Tavern, with no predators to be seen. Shoutout Leah for the Popeyes holllly chills.

Idk what I wanna do anymore. I really love the game so fucking much and it was so fun playing it with the cool people when I did. It scratches an itch no other game does. An itch I can’t have not be scratched. But I don’t know if I can justify my safety going to tournaments. I also just feel dumb for thinking the transphobia would just be an internet thing, and that the guys in the scene wouldnt be weird in person. Might just only go to PNW stuff, we’ll see. I really have a drive to compete again and you’ll probs see me on netplay. I just want to be able to compete like everybody else does. Overall, even with the bad, I think the trip was worth it and I’m fine. Maya, Myles, Jorts, Leah, and Seth are always just an absolute joy to be around, and having a real Oregon crew was really cool. Fuck am I happy to get home though LOL.

Twas da night b4 supernova and all thru the house, something something blah blah blah.

Supernova has always been extremely important to me. The first year that I went (the first year it BECAME supernova) was arguably the single most fun weekend of my entire life. The 64 crew had gotten a MASSIVE airbnb (In which im pretty sure Shear's airbnb account got shut down after because of the state of the place LOL), and it was my first real introduction to 90% of the broader 64 scene. People that for the last year since I started playing I had been talking and grinding with online, I could finally put a face to the names. I made some real friends that trip that I still talk to to this day, and its what really made me fall in love with 64 as a game and a community. The supernova after that was pretty fun aswell, but not super great, as me and my friend had gotten scammed like twice by some assholes, but oh well, the fun parts were fun and the 64 CarBar was a blast (besides the one aggressive guy trying to sell us shirts lol).

It feels a bit strange this year though. I pretty much dropped 64 a month or so after last supernova. While the community has some outstandingly amazing humans, the acceptance of transphobia and homophobia in the scene is really really disheartening. And in a scene like 64 where theres like, 4? 5? trans women, it makes going to events feel dangerous. Especially after Fight At The Museum 2 this year, where I experienced some really wack behavior from a few members of the scene, and after hearing a few of my sisters stories about weirdos at tournaments being dicks. It just hurt really bad to put so much time and money into the game, run big tournaments using funds from my line cook job, but then STILL have people in power just accept transphobic people in the scene because they're good/have been around awhile. And don't even get me started on "cancer chat" in the main 64 discord.

But Ive always missed the game and the scene. Part of me really wishes I didnt give my adaptor away lol. 64 is the single greatest fighting game in the world, 10000x better than 2nd place (probs melee, which i still love alot). Like 2ish weeks ago, i got a call at 3 in the morning from an extremely faded Dr. Sauce and Antwon420. I know doc sauce decently well (ask him about the night before FATM1 LOL) but i've only really talked to antwon on discord. On the call we just yapped about 64, doubles, placings, strats, and all that in a very backwards and joking way and it made me go GAWD i miss this dumbass game alot. So i rejoined dogs' discord server, which does still have some transphobic assholes, but they keep themselves in check there atleast. It was nice seeing all the old homies and familiar faces still shit talking and having fun.

IDK. Im still mostly going for melee and my melee homies, as I've been super grinding smash2 since retiring the 64 stick, but I am really excited to see the 64 guys again. Alot of em are in for a suprise tho since im now fully out and pretty deep into transition LOL. All in all im sure it will be a great time. IF U SEE ME, SAY HI!!!!